Mourning rounds

From the opposite side, I watched the murder

some might say suicide.

It seemed though to be racing and there was never an attempt to waver.

Indecisive the victim scrambled left -right

then frozen in fear –crushed by the weight

a heart stopped.

A morning death always makes me cry.

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Photo courtesy of Sue (Mac’s Girl)

Gasp

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the wounding is the same

self inflicted in moments perceived through lenses lost in time

birthing shame

eternal scenes rehearsed to protect a shattered soul from love scorned

beholding fear

so taught by mothers and mother’s mothers until each is carried

beyond this

gasping

 

Image courtesy of “Franziska/ Whataboutawaterbottle”

On a limb

autumoct-25-2016.jpgI really depend on problems.  They engage my intellect. Energy flows best in me while in the “problem solving” mode.

But it’s killing me.

I spend hours intellectually solving the emotional crisis created in make-believe power struggles to right a wrong. I tune in preferentially to the oppression of wrong thinking, ready to push back.  My eyes notice first the thing “wrong” with the picture.

I was educated to do this. My skills honed to fix the broken.

I have the mind of science, dissection as discovery.

Did I mention it’s killing me?

I use the quest for perfection as motivation to create. I think and talk and type until my voice is heard.

I yell louder –  and over power.

I think deeper – and over intellectualize.

I focus harder-  and over work.

It is killing me.

Can I just hang there?  Can I hold a view on the edge that accepts the death of needing to solve the moment?  Can I then live within the fall of mind to heart?

Can I live in the pain of brokenness, of autumn’s peace and beauty and know season’s change is not my call to arms?

Can I just die a bit in the strain of change without the torture of failure?

 

Image courtesy of Brenda-meditative journey with saldage.

 

 

Reconciliation

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The story deep in the marrow of my life betrays the simple touch of air to skin. Blood-spilt memories lay unheard, unknown but pulse with my breath and soul.

The stains of love and hate look the same in me and equally reflect the tragedy of my fears-

and I pray for reconciliation.

 

Photography courtesy of Ginny Hunt

Captured

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I  am so captured in telling of tales, foreign reflections reframing reveal 

fears clouding my sun blocking my view

mind wondering,  narrating a hurt or failed feud.

The sound of my steps meter the beat, linked to the pace of breath and repeat

Then fear unto death strikes from the south

eyes widened with terror, scales fallen off.

Captured no more, my heart in a beat 

gasps with a cry and swallows a scream

free to regret, confess and relive

knowing the now was 

lost once again.

 

Photography courtesy of Peter Corr

Sick unto death

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It’s a damning process storing every thought , worry

tucked unfolded mostly

so the space feels empty, sterile to the curious.

No presence or joy

broken soul alone

though an open door of life nurtured love. 

No space for love or hate-tucked unfolded mostly,

muted and muffled by an unnatural shhhh…

 

Photo by Steve Garrington